Friday, August 28, 1981

Obscured by clouds

It was a grey day to begin with. I went into Easterby and bought jeans and trainers and then worked in the Library on my English essays all afternoon. I went into HMV, saw Pink Floyd’s Obscured By Clouds and couldn’t resist; a bloody stupid, mindless thing to do, not thinking at all. It cost me five pounds! I saw Angela in town with her boyfriend; she didn’t see me, I dodged into the bus queue.

God, I’m really knotted up inside. I feel like tearing everything up, throwing everything away, telling everyone to “piss off,’ starting all over again. I’d just like to make a clean break but I expect nothing would change. But I couldn’t. I hate this feeling in my stomach, this ache of restlessness. What can I do? I just feel like . . . well, I don’t know what I feel like, but I know I just detest my situation at the moment.

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