Emptiness

In the afternoon, Barry gave Lee and I a lift out to the beginning of the motorway, and although we waited over an hour in the bitter wind and damp, we couldn't get a ride. So we caught the bus into town and a coach back to Easterby instead.

As we sat on the coach in Debdenshaw waiting to set off, the urban sprawl no longer looked as ugly and depressing as it had done earlier, thus illustrating to me the simple but fundamental way we ‘intentionalise’ our surroundings. In themselves, these concrete forms and structures possess no quality apart from that which we invest them with in accordance with our current mood.

Now the New Year is here I feel empty and devoid of any acknowledgement of what it is I’ve Got to Do. The idea of the decisive Act is there alright, but it isn’t Alive. It’s an empty notion so far. The spark of inspiration needed to vivify this idea is missing at this moment. I also catch myself experiencing real doubt and even fear at the consequences of what I’m planning, fear of being caught with my pants down so to speak, of finding myself in the midst of something I haven’t fully thought through.