Hate and love

“All men are deprived of individuality in the machine age.”

Invisibility—like Nausea—is a symbol for the loss of self, the submersion of self by and in society.

“Men are different . . . all life is divided and [it is] only in division [that there] is true health . . . diversity is the word . . . the world in which we live is without boundaries. A vast seething hot world of fluidity. Freedom is the recognition not only of necessity but of possibility."

Approach life through division: “. . . too much of your life will be lost, its meaning lost, unless you approach it as much through love as through hate. So I approach it through division. So I denounce and I defend and I hate and I love.” Oppose systematisation—like I said, I want to revel in inconsistency, for diversity is living – orthodoxy is the stifling of life.

I've just now had a row with Lee which came to blows; he attempted to batter down my door with a broom handle and I resisted until, angry at the bang-bang-bang, I flung open the door and he struck at me with the broom, his face black with anger. This came after I’d thrown a torch at him in petty but enjoyable retaliation for the other night when he'd cornered me on the beach and stoned me with pebbles, hitting me in the knee and chest and run off, taunting . . ..

After sparring briefly with me he retreated downstairs calling me a “bastard." Heartfelt anger. This whole dispute is a petty, meaningless aggravation.

I find it hard to stomach.