What might have been

This afternoon Lee and I pulled off a fraud, withdrawing £97.50 in lots of £50 & £47.50 from Williams and Glyn’s Bank on Hampton Street.

Months ago we found temporary cheques at Jervis Terrace and today we simply walked into the bank and withdrew the money. We couldn’t get over the simplicity of the scheme, and ran into the street screaming our jubilation at bewildered passersby. Lee immediately bought an elaborate Swiss army knife and I blew money on a meal at Theatre Pizza House for Alex and I.

But as the day has worn on our doubts have begun to surface and we’ve begun to realise the hazardous nature of our enterprise. We’ve been assailed by fear of detection and moral qualms and the day has grown very unpleasant. We’ve both felt very gloomy, aware that the bank might call in the police and perhaps trace the cheques back to Jervis Terrace, and from there to here.

I also feel bad because I’m not desperate for money. We’ve always justified our heists as victimless in our minds. Theft from the corporate might of a supermarket like Tesco didn’t seem like theft at all (especially as they’d cover any losses via their insurance), and taking things from empty and forgotten buildings had no moral uncertainties attached to it.

But this feels personal, and the full weight of eighteen years of moral indoctrination presses heavily on my conscience. Lee is hesitating, and says that as with Tesco, insurance will cover the bank’s loss. All afternoon our dilemma has raged and we’ve argued the point out endlessly. I dropped my moral considerations after the first hour or so and concentrated only on our chances of evading detection, and the more I’ve thought about this, the more certain a knock at the door spelling disaster seems.

Imagine the recriminations if we do get caught, the endless ‘if onlys’ and what-might-have-beens?

All of this hangs in the back of my mind like a restless shadow, or a trip to the dentists that can’t be avoided. We’ve decided that we have until the end of the week to make up our minds about what to do.