Thursday, September 8, 1983


At one I went to Lee’s; he was out when I arrived, and I was ushered in by Mrs. Hoy. A fierce uneasy silence seemed to settle on the house until I was saved by the arrival of Lee. He got a verbal lashing from his Mum over going out without telling her. Her voice rose to an angry scream while I sat there awkward and embarrassed.

I was hurriedly (and gratefully) hustled upstairs. Jonas Venckus showed up and the three of us played Monopoly. Jonas is a maniac; he got really worked up during the game and as he laughed and shouted, seizing money from us; he bared his teeth and gums like a manic chimpanzee.

I was allowed to stay for tea; a knife edge feeling, sitting there hemmed in with every nerve taut as Mrs. Hoy bawled at Lee over some fresh misdemeanour. I was relieved when at last Lee and I could leave and go to Farnshaw for a drink.

He told me that tomorrow night he and seven friends from Art College are “hitting Easterby” for a final drink together before they all go their separate ways. Lee sat in bored silence wearing his new (second-hand) beige crombie with tartan waistcoat; he told me that he thought I’d made an error going to University and that I should’ve gone to Art College with him instead. “We could’ve got up to some real pranks together” he said, and for an instant I felt that I had been robbed, and cursed the chance that has gone forever. It was almost as if I was choked off for an answer as to why I am at Watermouth and why I’m ‘studying’ American Literature.

I couldn’t speak.

I walked home through the blustery darkness in a turmoil over my future. It yawns like an abyss of uncertainty and inevitable dissatisfaction. I’m lost at this moment.

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