Something else

I think I’m getting tonsillitis again. When I swallow I feel pain and my neck is swollen. Full of gloomy prophecies and expectations. The dexys experience has left me in a morose, negative frame of mind and nothing seems to offer any solace or prospect for enjoyment. It’s the old thing of wanting to live from hour to hour, day to day at a high and intense level of experience that—for me—seems impossible.

In the afternoon I sat with Lindsey and Barry in the library coffee bar (quite a regular hang out for us all this term) as they aired their dissatisfactions with Sociology and I thought how superficial and intellectually lightweight an American Studies degree is. I really felt quite gloomy. Sociology seems to encourage analytical and thorough thought and speech.

There isn’t a course anywhere in the country which would do Everything I want to do—which is, in itself, Everything. As I plough through a book taking notes, I find the word “everything" somehow dissatisfying and superficial. Occasionally I yearn for something with real bite to it, say English or Philosophy or Politics. That isn’t to say I’m pissed off with my course; I’ve come to terms with what I’m doing and really I quite enjoy it. There’s just the odd discordant note that sounds from time to time and I long for something else.