Saturday, February 12, 1983

Doctors of the church

Guy and Susie came along on the pub crawl and six of us set out, me for one thinking how unenthusiastic we all seemed, and what with everyone away the evening had that old sad feeling, like something had gone. After seven whiskies in the Anchor and then the Crown & Flute I was drunk.

I got embroiled in yet another pointless and despairing argument with Barry, who pushed the Marxist line. Susie was noncommittal and well informed, and I wallowed ineffectually in nihilistic sentiment. Aired the usual opinions and Barry accused me of being over-simplistic. He said I was wrong to accuse Marx of tying everything to the economic base, because it wasn’t that simple, and so I conceded that the superstructure might have some degree of autonomy from the base. Once again I resolve to read. It will be interesting to see how my views change.

It snowed heavily today and the fields and paths are dusted white. Easterby Athletic won their first match in two months. I imagined the surge of relief flooding around the ground at the final whistle. At six a few of us went over to the Airhall to play soccer, which really tired me out.

The corridor is a 'scene' of growing fragmentation. Yvonne and Rowan, who were inseparable last term, have rowed and fallen out and now scarcely speak. Rowan now spends all her evenings and days too cackling and screaming with Katie from downstairs. Lindsey, Shelley, and Penny usually hole up either in Penny’s room or Shelley’s and they often go out by themselves. “They probably want to meet different men,” says Rowan.

I stayed in read more of Ulysses, 80 pages today. I feel a little down in the mouth again, and nothing I can think of excites me. feel jaded, my small world the same as before. I want something important and meaningful to happen! I just don’t know what I want!

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