Wednesday, May 5, 1982
My nihilism v. fidelity essay earned me a C, which is a bit better, but with Jeremy getting a B and Duncan a B+ even I had to face the fact that I'm not coping at all well with Conrad. Being so easily beaten is a blow to my pride.
I felt bored and awful later on, and when I got home Dad told me about his nightmare: walking hand in hand with Mum and a six-year old me. We came to a steep cliff and when I jumped over Dad was horrified but then I was standing next to him laughing and it was just a doll falling instead. We walked down a metal fire escape that was thick with red ants and they crunched “like cornflakes” underfoot, and then through an archway onto the beach and the air was alive with blue bottles and drone flies.
Dad said that when he woke up he told Mum he thought he was dying or having a heart attack or something.
He also told me some fascinating details of our family history. My great great grandparents were Albert Martindale and Ellen Oldham: Albert was a quarry-man who was killed in his quarry.