Friday, August 13, 1982


As I walked home from Tesco with Lee I felt how near I am to losing touch with friends and known situations. I feel sad for all I'll have to give up, forever and so soon and it's gradually dawning on me, really for the first time, that I'll never be at school again. All those people are gone now and always.

Six days to 'A'-level results day: B’s and I’ll be amazed, D’s depressed.

A beautiful twilight tonight, with rain in the air, grayish purple clouds, and large ragged patches of violet velvet blue and stars. There was a startling immediacy, a vibrant clarity and nearness to the black trees, stark on blue, the orange street lamps and electric-bright house windows. Everything felt so totally Real, Lee gone home on schemes unknown and apart, bus crews driving empty buses through the dark and weepy streets . . . . All life is suffering, right?

Come to think of it, I too feel ‘strange’ still from London, not really here somehow, and changed even too.

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