Sunday, September 19, 1982

Old and new dreams

I really didn’t want to go to Grant’s. It wasn’t him, just a desire to stay inside and hide away from potential hassles. I felt better when I’d set off.

As I walked through the woods, two greyhounds hurtled past me, their paws drumming on the grass; I heard a squeal of brakes, a thud and I emerged onto the road by The Alexandra to see one of them lying there dead, straddling the white line in the middle of the road. A lad had the other dog on a lead and dragged the dead one to the side of the road. The body left a wet smear on the tarmac. He stroked it and the other dog sniffed it, and then they left it lying in the gutter as people stood and stared. I'm writing this not with any sense of shock but merely because it happened. I didn't feel anything seeing it dead. Perhaps I should have.

Grant's was predictable. I had the usual scummy doubts about myself at first, but they were soon submerged in the tedium and overcastness of everything. Grant was depressed and scowling: we listened to records or doodled, both feeling totally unwilling to do anything, as if it was too much effort even to talk. We eventually went up to the park and sat beneath the statue of F. W. Woodhead (1883) and talked about Grant's paranoia and depression. He doesn't believe he'll meet anyone new this next year and (light hearted now) wondered if he'll die or go insane. Boredom prevailed.

It's interesting to watch how he gets on with his younger brother Karl. Sometimes they share a laugh but at other times he's vicious, calling Karl a “stupid bastard” for interrupting his PiL tape. When Karl laughed at “Under The House” Grant yelled “This music means something! It’s art! You don’t laugh at art!” (!?). Karl mumbled an apology and looked downcast.

In-between times, Grant scowled ferociously and refused to answer his Mum’s questions. What is it with him? We were all thoroughly bored I suspect.

I left borrowing  Old and New Dreams by Don Cherry, Dewey Redman, Charlie Haden and Ed Blackwell and a Doors tape (Absolutely Live). I composed this entry in my head as I walked home.

There were demonstrations today in Israel, crowds of protestors chanting “Begin and Sharon are killers,” teargas, fights with police, more film of fly covered corpses, youths in jeans and trainers clumped in attitudes of unexpected death. Perhaps this will bring the government down? The Israeli people cannot be condemned along with their leaders.

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