Monday, December 14, 1981


Among our school party a hushed feeling of guilt, everyone blaming everyone else, being “cunning” as Hirst put it. This was the main topic of conversation for much of the day, little huddled groups arguing with one another.

It was sunny and had rained overnight so no snow. We went to the National and the Great Japan Exhibition and I felt so tired as we walked around, and Debbie Helliwell asked me about last night in a sort of forceful, depressed way. She'd spewed up all over her room and said she was trying to avoid everybody. I felt sorry for her. Afterwards, we went round the V&A and then wandered round shops, back to the hotel and to King's Cross for the 3.45 train. Someone said there was two feet of snow in Easterby.

The journey up was quite good. I felt more sociable. The snow started to get deep around Moorwood and by the time we reached Easterby it was nearly a foot deep and still snowing and we were all amazed. The city centre was deserted: what traffic there was was in chaos, abandoned cars and crewless buses. I got home at about eight, but set out again almost straight away for Harvey's and the school Xmas Party.

I met Lee inside, but because of the weather not many people turned up,and I felt strangely subdued and unenthusiastic. I got a bit drunk but mainly was just pissed off and tired. I also threw up in the bathroom upstairs. Too much cider. Went home depressed.

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