Wednesday, October 14, 1981

No foreseeable change

It was quite an OK day in one way, but not in another. I was only free for one lesson and for much of that a giggly, silly mood prevailed, everyone loudly amused. Claire viciously attacked Duncan again and I quite enjoyed it all.

After school we had the first film for this season's Film Society. We watched the ’78 version of The Thirty Nine Steps which was better than I’d expected. There were over fifty people there.

I find it so hard to be interesting, and I've got to get involved in more things in order to force myself into situations and new circumstances. When I look to the future and see eight more months of this with no foreseeable change, I feel overwhelmed and totally depressed. Sometimes I wonder just how much of all the shit I write is actually true and how much is just a ridiculous concoction of my mind. No doubt in a few years hence I’ll look back at these words and be ashamed.

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