Friday, October 9, 1981

Gale force

There was officially no school today as all the staff were out assessing or something. I’d intended wandering in around ten but as it was I just couldn’t be bothered so I stayed home doing absolutely nothing except read Jaws or Shark Attack.

At three Lee called round and stayed a couple of hours. Dad and Mum arrived home at sixish.

The evening was marked by one of those futile, negative flare-ups over wealth and privilege. It’s like banging my head against a wall; it achieves nothing and I merely end up feeling bitter, deceitful and false somehow. I don’t know what to believe and I suppose believing in “socialism" or “anarchism” or any political view is naive crap, because I haven’t even lived yet. Mum started going on about me going to Uni. to move up in the hierarchy and to get more money. I told her all I wanted was an education (“twaddle”: Dad) and then I ended up feeling as though I was betraying them. “Sometimes we feel as if we’re throwing our money away when you talk like that,” said Mum. I just end up so confused!

Gale-force winds after dark.

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