Monday, October 12, 1981


It was a foul day with blustery winds and heavy rain and I found Claire knocking assembly as usual in the Common Room. I spent the morning feeling ashamed at Peter’s crudities and my own amusement at them, which elicited her specialty, the Pearson eye-roll. I talked to her about university, about anything I could think of, and felt happy but frustrated. More self-recrimination; I could (and should) be doing so much more, but I was glad to talk with her again in History.

I should have gone home after that because I didn’t have any lessons but I stayed and ended up feeling utterly bored and achieved nothing. Then once at home, I just COULD NOT motivate myself to work. I had a mental block or something. I felt like a failure.

In the evening I watched a great film, A Man Called Horse, which was sad.

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