Monday, December 8, 1980

Monday December 8th

I just couldn’t get to sleep last night. For two hours I lay awake – my bed felt hard and uncomfortable for some reason. I finally drifted off at about three I suppose.

I got up at 7.40 a.m. and went by five past eight. Its much better to get in early.

Jeremy was OK right from the outset – last week seemed miles away for he was perfectly alright, friendly etc.,. First period was free so I spent it in the library sat next to Claire (talking to her). Deborah was away so I asked why (“It’s a bit embarrassing really – she’s got sickness and things” – so I told her that I understood (!)). She told me about the meal last night; about how she had cried beforehand and about her conversations with M. Barnwell – “He talked to me last night” – and also, strangely, about the fact that she’d talked about me a lot – “I wonder what he thought.” She seemed lonely – perhaps it’s just the fact that Deborah wasn’t there – I’m so used to seeing them together a lot.

Second period was spent similarly talking with Claire and then after break Jeremy and I stayed behind in the library because we hadn’t done our essays. Several people were away and of those present, only Duncan had done his essay – that is me, Claire, Neil, Jeremy who hadn’t done it. Ten minutes into the lesson and Neil brought us down.

At dinnertime, I could see Claire looking at someone behind me and smiling – putting two and two together gave M.B. – she saw me, laughed embarrassedly and blushed. Sat in the common room later we sat facing across at him and she knew what I was thinking because she did the same. Quite sweet, isn’t it!?

I was a bit peeved with myself though – after all that, it probably seems that that is all I find to talk about, because rarely a day passes without I’m questioning somebody about him.

In History after dinner we started on Marxism – Ingham was OK about the essays – and it is amazing how clear it became – oral learning is much more efficient than plain reading. It rubs off more. We encountered Anarcho-Syndicalism and Dialectical Materialism – I at last understood the latter term (Marx’s revision of Hegel’s dialectical theory). It really is quite fascinating once you’re into it.

I hate Biology, and sat resentfully and dull mindedly through the lesson. I really am going to have to drop it (as Claire said – “If I’d have got a pound for every time you’ve said that I’d be rich”).

The debate after school was chaired by Claire – the motion was; “This house believes that prisoners have it too easy.” Proposing the motion was Nick Gaunt and Andy Briscoe, whilst opposing was Steve Bates and Lee Hoy. It was incredible; Briscoe’s views on the subject were confused and so narrow minded, archaic and plain silly. Noone in their right mind could’ve voted for him but six did. He was defeated 8-6, no abstentions (Needless to say, I voted against).

The evening passed uneventfully; I did my Art and played records downstairs before coming to bed at about 11.30 p.m.

Today, if anything else could’ve been presumed, it really was brought home to me about Claire and Michael Barnwell. She really does like him I think – properly.

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