Tuesday November 11th

I got up at ten past seven, and after having a cup of tea I went by half-past. The morning was very similar to last Wednesdays; I set all the chairs out while everyone helped construct the set. There was a short period of desperation when the speakers etc., couldn’t be found, but soon we’d all set everything out.

The thing got a better response from the fourth years than it did from our lot, although some of the cracks went unnoticed. Jeremy fluffed his lines right at the beginning and as I twanged away happily, a string bust, leaving me with just three strings.

History first period was free (well, “private study”) so I wrote out a chronology of March-November 1917 for third period. Biology was as crap as ever, with Wade fumbling her way through as she always does, and in History we were given yet more text books out. I got one on the theory of revolutions today – “Modern Revolutions.”

I played tennis for my next two periods with Jeremy. The weather was quite good – a bit cold, but otherwise perfect. As usual, I took ages to warm up and was only leading 5-2 in the first set because of Beaumont’s corny play. He battled back and beat me 5-7, and he also won the second set 2-6. I pulled a muscle in my right ankle just before we finished and it’s really painful.

I wasted my hour after school sat in the common room with Lee and Rich’ Houlding. What a bloody boring life I lead. It really struck me – what do I do that is remotely interesting?, and that’s the only reason I like school so much, because I enjoy the company. If I didn’t go to school I’d vegetate. From one evening to the next, all I do is watch television or play records. I tried to think of the last time I went out to a social do, involving more people than say two or three. Apart from family things, it was the school leavers party at Lodgehill in summer 1977!! I just wish . . . . . . .

All this self-pity was brought on because I couldn’t stop thinking about what Pearson and Blakey told me yesterday. I’m jealous in a way, I know – jealous over that seventh year and their obvious enjoyment of his company. Why am I like I am!!? WHY?

I’m just being bloody silly now, but it’s hard. I feel so mixed up.